I no longer trust myself (writing prompt)

In today’s Post a Day, I am asked what it is in my life that requires a second opinion.

The answer is obvious:

Personal relationships… Specifically, romantic involvement.

In terms of love, I am able to pull the wool over my own eyes. My ability to see the best in people is my downfall. And I can hand over my heart completely to my partner and not even realize that he may not be worthy of its ownership. I’m exhausted of hearing about how undeserving my choice of mate was of me after the breakup. I heard so many comments such as:

“We didn’t think much of Jim, but we thought as long as he made you happy…”

“For a long time, we only put up with Jim because he was with you.”

“I hated Justin. He was condescending in the ways he spoke to you.”

“Maybe next time you’ll find someone with a personality.”

“You could do a lot better than him.”

It was news to me whenever I heard this after-the-fact criticism. But when I was given specific examples for these statements, and after mulling it over, I got it. And I was embarrassed and ashamed that I hadn’t come to such conclusions on my own. I should be able to see that it isn’t right for a man to find faults in my physical appearance (whether or not it is a private or public conversation) in a rude manner. Or that when there’s a movie I’d like to go see he’d say, “We’re not going to go to that.” Being laid-back, I’d shrug it off, but I shouldn’t have. Maybe it’s because I pick and choose my own battles, but still… to say something like that, whether or not in the presence of others, it is disrespectful. I mean, it’s is a movie. You can’t suck it up for 2 hours to take me to see Captain America: The First Avenger?

I have taken an extended hiatus from dating. It has been close to 2 years since my engagement fell apart, our wedding called off with only 7 weeks to go. I’ve been out on dates a few times, but in the back of my head I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not the best in judging someone’s character. Sure, I joke about my Man Qualification List (also known as the Boyfriend Wish List), but in reality, I’m unsure it is enough.

Which is why I’d like a second opinion before getting serious with anyone. In some ways, that second opinion should come from myself. By this I mean I need my logical side to speak up over my romantic, flighty side. I don’t care how much I like the guy. At this point, I want brutal honesty from myself, as well as the people that I love and respect.

So, my dear loved ones, please speak up if I pick out another dud to date. I have an awful track record when it comes this sort of thing.

I’d like to change that.

4 thoughts on “I no longer trust myself (writing prompt)

  1. Lack of interest in/ability to compromise is a big red flag. Generally I offer a tit-for-tat (I’ll watch X with you if you watch Y with me–I just make sure that my pick isn’t potentially triggery).

    If it’s something I really don’t want to see, I suggest she go without me, maybe even suggesting other friends of hers she can see it with, but that’s not a card I like to play often.

    As far as second opinions go…I tend not to do this because I either feel I’m judging someone I don’t know very well fairly (I tend to doubt my own judgments a lot–something I’m working on), or because I feel my advice will be ignored or I’ll be outright slapped down (I can tell you, in private, a story about something that happened a few years ago, if you like).

    I’ll keep this in mind in future though.

    • I can understand your hesitation to do so. But I’m at a stage where I feel I need to hear things others would rather not say. I mean, I’m not going to dump a guy just because one person doesn’t like him… That’s not fair. But I’m more open to hearing criticism about men I date than I was in the past. Sometimes I just don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive… so I’ll try to brush off some of the comments men have made to me… about what I wear, makeup, haircut… stuff like that…

      Maybe it will help if I outright ask my friend’s opinions. Then at least I’m opening the door and inviting in feedback.

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